


Fighting Fire With Fireworks

by Deadlihood



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Angsty-ish, Drunk crying, First Times, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Male Models, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-08 16:59:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14109924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deadlihood/pseuds/Deadlihood
Summary: Being a male model is definitely not all it's cracked up to be.





	Fighting Fire With Fireworks

Kihyun straightened his turtleneck for what felt like the tenth time. Maybe he had actually gained some muscle and that’s why the damn thing felt too tight and uncomfortable.

He’d always hated this part the most, the waiting. The world was still quiet and dark, but he was in his kitchen trying to drink his coffee as slowly as he could to drag out the time. So, he adjusted his sweater again, checked his nails for the fiftieth time to make sure he got all of the silver glitter from last week off. _Clean nails mean you’re ready to work_.

A door opened in the apartment and there were shuffling footsteps across the carpet. Minhyuk blinked sleepily against the sudden brightness of the kitchen light.

“Why are you up so early?” Kihyun asked, moving over so Minhyuk and his duvet cape could fit next to the table.

“I have to grade before I go to school today.” Minhyuk yawned. “My kids have been badgering me about getting those essays back.”

“Didn’t they turn them in like, last Friday?” Kihyun got up and fixed a cup of coffee for Minhyuk. He seemed barely aware that it was in front of him until the aroma hit his nostrils; then he started sucking it down like it was a body shot.

“Yeah, but college kids want to know their grades soon so they can figure out how much they can slack for the rest of the semester,” Minhyuk said when he finally came up for air.

“Ah. Makes sense.” Kihyun checked the time on his watch and nearly cried. “Oh, thank God, I can go wait downstairs now.”

“If I had your job, I’d roll out of bed exactly when the driver was coming to get me and not a minute earlier.” Minhyuk shook his head.

“I’m always a little too early.” Kihyun shrugged. “Anything you want from this shoot?”

“I mean, we’re already up to our eyeballs in watches. Snag a jacket if you can, I like the new collection.”

“Will do.” Kihyun patted his roommate’s duvet-covered head and shrugged on his jacket. A quick trip down the two flights of stairs and he was outside the building, pulling the leather jacket tighter around himself. The air was so cold it cut like a knife, the world just starting to turn blue around the edges.

The driver didn’t take too long to show up. Kihyun piled into the van, nodding to another sleepy looking man who was dozing in the backseat. He usually got picked up on the same route with Hyungwon if they were working on the same shoot. Hyungwon was usually barely conscious until the makeup and hair girls were done with him, and then he was alert for the time it took for his pictures. Kihyun had seen him curl up in a pile of discarded jackets and go to sleep before.

It was a short ride to their location today. Kihyun braced himself before bolting out of the van’s heated interior to the inside of the hall. A production assistant snagged him before he was more than two feet inside the building, checking his name and ID to make sure he was supposed to be there. Hyungwon followed slowly, only blinking at the assistant when she asked for ID. Everyone knew Hyungwon, even if he was usually asleep.

Kihyun checked in with the agency manager that was on the shoot and then presented himself to the makeup girls. He’d ingratiated himself with them by being polite and treating them like humans, which apparently was novel for people in his industry. Kihyun was happy to see one of his favorites, Bora, was open and waiting for him.

“Good morning,” she said, putting a bobby pin in his bangs to keep them off his face. “Are you excited for today?”

“The new collection looks really good.” Kihyun held still as she rubbed moisturizer all over his face. He’d gotten rather desensitized to people touching his face and eyes.

“The new collection may be overshadowed a bit.”

Kihyun cracked one eye open. “What do you mean?” He shut his eye again when he saw her coming back with a makeup sponge full of foundation; he’d gotten that on his contacts before and it had taken forever to come off.

“Haven’t you heard?” She lowered her voice. “Wonho came out.”

“Came out?” Kihyun pretended that his stomach hadn’t just dropped through the floor. “Like, out of the closet?”

“Look it up on your phone, I need to find the right concealer.” Kihyun skimmed the article and Wonho’s statement, feeling his anxiety steadily mount. Wonho had come out in spectacular fashion and all of the major media outlets were reporting on it. He knew the other model from working on the same shoots as him, but they’d never really spoken.

By the time Bora was done doing his makeup and organizing his light brown mop into some hairstyle, Kihyun felt like getting sick. But he had a job to do, and he intended to do it. He took his outfit into the changing area, trading greetings with some of the other guys behind the curtain. The small talk died down as soon as the curtain rattled again, and a familiar blond head appeared. Suddenly it seemed like everyone couldn’t get dressed fast enough, skittering out like roaches when the lights came on.

Kihyun didn’t intend to mess up all of Bora’s hard work, and his limbs felt like cement as soon as he saw Wonho anyway. He was still struggling into the complicated harness that one of the fashion assistants had handed him when Wonho was changing.

 _Don’t look don’t look don’t look oh god I’m looking_.

Not just looking, but staring. Kihyun pried his eyes away from Wonho’s well-formed torso to make another attempt at getting the harness on properly. Finally, he managed to get it and the heavy leather boots on. He was about to leave when Wonho spoke.

“Thanks for not immediately fleeing as soon as I came in. I appreciate it,” he said softly. Kihyun felt his stomach drop into the concrete for the second time that morning.

“Most guys think with their dick, so they immediately think you’re thinking about their dicks.” Kihyun wanted to slap himself. “I’ll see you out there.” He forced himself to make a calm exit, even though he got a little tangled in the curtains.

Aside from the music pumping through the speakers, the shoot was deathly quiet. The female models didn’t seem to care much, although a few of them looked a bit disappointed. The male models, on the other hand, wouldn’t get within two feet of Wonho, except for Kihyun and Hyungwon. Hyungwon either hadn’t heard or didn’t care, and Kihyun…well, he didn’t care.

That was how he ended up pressed back to back with Wonho, his broader shoulders dwarfing Kihyun’s slight ones. Kihyun forced himself to look bored, to maintain his model look. When they went to change into their second looks, Wonho went to the very end of the area to avoid being stared at. Kihyun felt bad for him, but couldn’t make himself walk over there. If the others started looking at him too, wondering about him…

That wasn’t a concern. He got himself into his next outfit and presented himself to a photographer. Away from the others and away from Wonho, Kihyun’s mind cleared. He’d always enjoyed the silliness of being a model, of making those goofy sultry faces at the camera and pretending he wasn’t just a pretty mannequin. The pants they’d put him in were huge flares, and he wasn’t wearing shoes. Halfway through his shots, he started running around in front of the white backdrop, trying to catch some air so the flares would open up. The photographer egged him on, finally capturing a glorious shot of Kihyun midair, arms outstretched like a ballet dancer.

His mood was spoiled when he walked past a gaggle of models and heard a snatch of their conversation: “…wonder if he’s as big a pansy as Wonho”. Kihyun’s ears burned and he ducked his head in shame. A little voice that sounded eerily like Minhyuk scolded him for being embarrassed. He was just doing his job and doing it well. That didn’t make him a pansy or whatever other horrible name they might call him.

The guilt and shame had started to gnaw deeply at him by the time he was done with the shoot. He put his street clothes on and grabbed the jacket he knew Minhyuk wanted before anyone else could. Stepping over Hyungwon’s outstretched legs, Kihyun went to say goodbye to the makeup girls. Bora was standing with her arms crossed, a frown on her face.

“God, boys are dumb,” she said, just as Kihyun walked up.

“Even me?” He faked a sad look.

“You slightly less than the rest of them.” Bora sighed. “We’ve all been watching the shoot today.”

“Do they actually think that being gay is contagious? It’s not like he has cooties. He likes men.” Hyolyn rolled her eyes. “Honestly, I’m surprised more of you model boys aren’t gay.”

Kihyun chuckled nervously. “A lot of us are stupid, but what do you expect from models?”

“You’re more evolved, at least. I knew that’s why you were my favorite.” Bora let Kihyun hug her. “Are you walking in Fashion Week?”

“I’ll be in a couple of shows. I’ll probably see you guys there.” Kihyun said his goodbyes and fled the building. He could have had the van take him back to his apartment, but he needed to breathe and get himself together. Maybe he’d take the bus to the university and surprise Minhyuk with the new jacket.

It didn’t matter that Wonho had come out. Good for him, actually, for having the courage to do it. It was none of Kihyun’s business what Wonho did in his private life.

The bracing air and the fast pace he was walking at helped clear his head a little, and the guilt and shame in the bottom of his stomach was replaced by a gnawing hunger. Maybe he’d sweet talk Minhyuk into buying him lunch and then he’d go to the university library for a bit. He’d slowly been working his way through some of the literary theory books that Minhyuk brought home, but he needed a more basic understanding before he got too deep. That sounded like a good way to use the rest of his day.

Kihyun caught the city bus to the university campus, ignoring the way his phone kept buzzing in his back pocket. Minhyuk’s phone was always dead so he knew it couldn’t be his roommate. It was probably some other people he knew through modeling that had heard about Wonho.

By now the other graduate students recognized Kihyun as he walked by, waving as he wove his way through to Minhyuk’s office. The door was cracked open, so he peeked inside before he opened it all the way.

Minhyuk looked like he’d had four cups of coffee and he was working on his fifth. “You got one of the jackets!”

“I didn’t just get a jacket, I got _the_ jacket.” Kihyun presented it with a flourish. Minhyuk promptly grabbed it and ran for the bathroom around the corner to see how it looked on him. Kihyun took the other seat in the office, flicking through his unread texts. As he’d expected, it was mostly acquaintances he knew through modeling that knew he and Wonho had both been picked for that collection.

“You are the best roommate I’ve ever had,” Minhyuk said, posing in the doorway in the new jacket. It was a deep blue metallic biker jacket and it suited Minhyuk perfectly.

“I know.” Kihyun sighed, tossing his phone aside. “One of the other models came out today and everyone’s losing their shit.”

“You make it sound like someone minor came out.” Minhyuk sat back down at his desk. “Wonho’s only one of the biggest models in the country.”

“You should have seen everyone at the shoot today, they were acting like he had a disease. It was gross.”

“People are stupid, especially straight boys.”

“Tell me about it.”

Minhyuk peered over at him. “You haven’t eaten yet have you?”

“I’m a model. We live off caffeine and people boosting our egos.”

“Oh, shut up. Let’s go get some food.”

Over lunch, Kihyun surprised Minhyuk with two tickets to the biggest show at Fashion Week. He’d had to sweet-talk quite a few people to get them, especially since he wasn’t walking in the show himself, but he’d managed it. Minhyuk practically burst into tears when Kihyun told him.

“You’re incredible, Ki, thank you so much.” Minhyuk threw his arms around his neck and squeezed him like a boa constrictor. “Fuck, I have to get an outfit together.”

“I’m sure that between the two of us we can find something appropriate for you.” Kihyun felt his heart warm at Minhyuk’s excitement. It erased the lingering dark clouds on his mind, leaving only Minhyuk’s sunshine.

\--

“Should I try to get the outfit on before or after makeup?” Kihyun asked, showing it to Bora. She stared at it in disbelief.

“I’ve seen a lot of things in men’s fashion, but that takes the cake.” She shook her head. “Put it on now, god knows the blanket will scrub off all the makeup.” Kihyun saluted her and disappeared into the changing room to get dressed. Essentially, he was wearing a giant blanket with arm holes, some big sweatery thing for the fall season. It fell practically to his knees, revealing only a small amount of the shredded jeans he was supposed to wear under it. He jammed his feet into the high-top sneakers, hoping they’d be on properly by the time he shuffled over to his chair.

He was a few feet away from Bora when he realized the chair next to his was now occupied by Wonho.

“Thanks again for doing this, I really appreciate it,” he was saying to Hyolyn as Kihyun approached slowly.

“People are dumb. It’s not your fault and you shouldn’t be punished for it,” Hyolyn said. She glanced over at Kihyun, loitering uncomfortably behind Bora. “Ki, what the hell are you wearing?”

“Right now, it feels like a sentient blanket that’s bent on strangling me.” Kihyun collapsed into his chair and tugged the shoes on properly. “I can’t imagine anyone wearing this.”

“You should see what they’ve got me in.” Wonho held up his face chart, covered in purple and glitter. “It matches this.” Kihyun glanced at his own fairly natural face chart.

“I don’t envy you.” Kihyun was proud of himself for having managed such coherent words around Wonho. Bora soon took over all his attention, gossiping to him about some of the other models as she worked busily on his face. Wonho and Hyolyn were giggling hysterically together about something and Kihyun could feel his focus slipping.

_It doesn’t matter that he’s here. He’s just another model. You have a job to do._

Honestly, as long as the sweater didn’t eat him alive before he got down the runway, he would be fine. And Minhyuk would be in the audience cheering him on. Getting the ticket for this show had been easy, especially since he hadn’t tried to get it close to the runway. Minhyuk had a set of opera glasses that he thought made him look distinguished and quirky, so he was well prepared for the show.

Kihyun’s resolve abandoned him when he saw what Wonho had been put into for the show: a black leather jacket with no shirt underneath, black leather pants, and then what looked like half a skirt belted around his waist. The long fabric on one side gave him great movement and counterbalanced all the leather in the outfit. But it was the way Hyolyn was carefully highlighting and contouring his already impressive abs that made Kihyun’s throat dry.

_No. We are NOT going down this road._

Lucky for him, there was a quick rehearsal before people started filing into their seats, and Kihyun and Wonho weren’t anywhere near each other in the order. When he got back, he found one of his female model friends and clung to her on the pretense of catching up. Jihyun had been shooting in the islands and Kihyun hadn’t seen her in a while.

“So, I heard Wonho came out,” Jihyun said, carefully adjusting a crimped lock of hair. “I miss everything when I’m away.”

“I mean, you got the full effect from the media.” Kihyun wished she would have asked about literally anything else, including Minhyuk, who had a damnable crush on her.

“You worked with him on that new menswear campaign though, right? I saw Hyungwon’s Snapchats.”

“Hyungwon has Snapchat? I didn’t think he was conscious enough for that.”

“Yes, he has Snapchat. Anyway, how did that shoot go?”

Kihyun sighed. “It was _miserable_. Everyone was acting like he had just come out as having the bubonic plague.”

“I can’t blame them.” Kihyun stared at her in shock. “Not what I meant! I mean, most guys that become models are dumb pretty boys who want to pick up chicks at events. They’re, like, the definition of no homo.”

“That’s exactly what it was. It was like if anyone got close to him they were going to catch it.” Kihyun’s stomach twisted, and his expression must have mirrored it.

“What? Did something happen?” Jihyun was always good at picking up his emotions.

“I was goofing off and trying to do ballet jumps to make these pants flare out for the pictures and someone called me a pansy.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry about shit like that. You’re here to do your job, and you do it well. That’s all that matters.”

“I just hate people talking about me.”

“I know, Ki, but you’re a model. You gotta figure out how to deal with it while you’re in the business.”

“Can’t wait until I’m on the other side of the camera.” Kihyun shook his head. “And I can promise I won’t be making people wear this stupid thing.” He gestured at the blanket monster wrapped around him.

“Well, when we get our big breaks, we can do whatever we want, including scolding models for not behaving like fucking humans.”

“That sounds excellent.” Kihyun was soon shooed away to find his group of models. He vaguely knew some of them, which made the waiting a little easier. Kihyun felt better seeing that he wasn’t the only one drowning in some kind of blanket-y material. Honestly he was starting to sweat a little in it and he could only imagine what it would be like when he got out under the runway’s lights.

Kihyun was rarely nervous about walking runways anymore, having had enough practice doing shows. It was just a straight line down the runway, and all he really had to do was make his face somewhat neutral. Easy as anything.

And it was. He looked for Minhyuk’s snowy hair out of his peripheral vision, finally spotting him when he reached the end of the runway.

 _Pose, pose, turn_.

All he had to do now was make it back without accidentally tripping the female model who was coming towards him. He had nightmares about causing collisions on the runway sometimes, sending some poor girl careening into the crowd. He didn’t have anything to worry about, though. Dasom was a professional even in those heavy creepers and they navigated around each other easily.

As soon as he was backstage, Kihyun ripped the blanket sweater off. Bora laughed when she saw him standing there shirtless, slightly out of breath and very itchy.

“I’m surprised you lasted that long with it on,” she said, tossing it over the back of her makeup chair. “Have a good time?”

“I don’t like runways as much as I like photoshoots.”

“You always did like your cameras.” Bora pulled out her phone. “Selfie time?”

“How could I deny you the opportunity to take my picture?” Kihyun laughed, slotting himself up against her side for the picture. She posted it to her Snapchat with the caption, “I love my job.” Kihyun remembered belatedly that he hadn’t put a shirt back on, but he’d been photographed without it before. God knew he wasn’t shy about his body.

He settled in to watch the next few groups with Hyolyn and Bora, knowing he still had some time before he had to put the wooly monster back on for their final walk. Wonho and Hyungwon’s group was going up next. They were the high fashion group with the most well-known models. Kihyun spotted Hani in the group in some kind of black lace and tulle confection. He wished he had his own camera so he could sweettalk her into posing for him in that outfit.

Instead, he watched on the monitor as the high fashion group went down the runway one by one. Hyungwon blew a kiss into the crowd that seemed to cause a riot, and Wonho stripped off his leather jacket at the end of the runway. Kihyun’s stomach turned and he looked away.

Soon a harried assistant was hurrying him back into the sweater and over to his group for the final runway walk. Kihyun usually threw out peace signs and hearts when they did this walk; it was a little less formal, at least for models on the lower rungs like him. He would never have dared to rip his sweater off on the runway, but Wonho could get away with it.

After the final walk, the dressing room was a chaotic mess of people chattering, changing, and taking pictures. Kihyun really just wanted to get out of his outfit and into his street clothes, so he hurried through the mob to get to the changing room. His well-worn jeans and cashmere sweater felt like heaven after the tight denim and blanket monster he’d been wearing. He returned the outfit to the wardrobe people before going to say goodbye to Bora and Hyolyn. He snagged a few makeup wipes from their station while he waited for them to finish talking to someone else.

He had just finished scrubbing himself down when he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Wonho, his face still streaked with eyeliner and purple glitter.

“Hey, do you want to go get a drink with us?” He gestured over his shoulder at Hyungwon, who was breaking up the gel in his hair with both hands.

“Oh, um…” Kihyun felt like he’d swallowed his tongue. “My roommate came to see the show so I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

“He can come too, we don’t bite.” Wonho had this look in his eyes like he was expecting Kihyun to say no, but he didn’t want him to.

“Let me text him.” Kihyun was all thumbs as he texted Minhyuk to ask. His roommate’s response was almost instantaneous, telling him they were definitely going out with Wonho and Hyungwon. “He’s on board. We should…meet him outside I guess.”

“Cool. Hyolyn, I’m taking these wipes, okay?” Hyungwon waved to get her attention.

“Fine, fine. Great job today, boys.” She gave them all quick hugs before letting Bora have her turn.

Kihyun felt like he might get sick as they walked out towards the parking lot. Minhyuk was wearing the jacket that Kihyun had brought him from the photo shoot. He’d even cleaned all the ink off his hands; he had a tendency to be covered in ink from grading, from reading newspapers, or from reading older books. He’d tidied himself up nicely.

“You were great, Ki.” Minhyuk hugged him tightly. “How did they manage to get you into that thing?”

“I mean, it wasn’t easy.” Kihyun felt a little better clinging to his best friend’s side. “So, this is my roommate Minhyuk. This is Hyungwon, and Wonho.”

“Hoseok, actually. Wonho is his stage name,” Hyungwon interrupted.

“I was going to tell him.” Hoseok rolled his eyes. “Yes, I prefer that people I’m actually friends with call me by my actual name.” Kihyun was still reeling from the idea that he and Hoseok were friends, but Minhyuk had barreled on.

“It’s nice to meet you. I really enjoyed the show tonight.” Minhyuk didn’t even flinch when Kihyun’s grip on his hand tightened almost uncomfortably. “So, where did you guys have in mind for that drink?”

They picked a fashionable new bar that Kihyun and Minhyuk had been meaning to check out. Minhyuk had dropped Kihyun off earlier that day, so they rode together while Hyungwon and Hoseok caught a cab.

“You okay? You’re practically green,” Minhyuk said, glancing away from the road.

“I’m fine. Just…nervous I guess.” The lie tasted like ash on Kihyun’s tongue.

“You work with them all the time, though.”

“I work with them but we’re not like, best friends. Hyungwon and I talk sometimes but mostly they keep to themselves and I hang out with the makeup girls or Jihyun.”

“Well, you can never make too many new friends. I’ll be right there with you.”

“Thanks, Min.”

“What are roommates for?”

“Driving me home when I’m drunk?”

Minhyuk let out a dramatic sigh. “Fine, I’ll drive us home. You walked tonight, you deserve a drink just for not falling over in that glorified Snuggie.”

Kihyun had to laugh at that. “I promise in a few days when we go see the big show, I’ll drive us back.”

“I’ll hold you to that, Ki.”

Kihyun coughed up the money for the parking fee. They’d just gotten out of the car when it occurred to him that he didn’t have Hyungwon or Hoseok’s phone number. He was about to mention the problem to Minhyuk when his roommate pointed them out, waiting in line to get in. They joined them, ignoring the indignant glares they were getting from everyone else.

“So, Minhyuk, what do you do?” Hoseok asked.

“I’m a grad student at the local university in the English department.” Minhyuk was about to gear up for his usual excited vomit about his research, Kihyun could tell.

“I hope you’re prepared for the hour long talk about his dissertation,” Kihyun warned. Hyungwon just laughed.

“Nah, it’ll be interesting to hear someone say something intelligent for the first time.” Hyungwon dropped his voice to mimic one of their modeling colleagues. “Bro, like, all this spray tan is coming off on my sheets.”

“Too many protein powders, man,” Hoseok chimed in. “Although you wouldn’t know about that.” He poked Kihyun in the shoulder playfully. “You and Hyungwon are in the waif category.”

“I am not a _waif_.” Hyungwon looked offended. “We’re just of a narrower build. You make us sound like starving orphans.”

“Believe me, Kihyun is not starving.” Minhyuk rubbed his belly happily. “He’s an excellent little chef for me.”

“More like I didn’t want to watch him starve so I started making double portions of things.” Kihyun was finding it easier to talk when he looked only at Minhyuk or Hyungwon. They were nonthreatening, safe.

Minhyuk finally got to talk about his dissertation, which Kihyun tuned out. He’d heard the explanation a million times and had edited some of it for Minhyuk when he couldn’t proof-read it anymore. He turned his attention to people watching instead, to seeing the colorful characters going into the bar. The line was moving pretty steadily; soon Kihyun was flashing his ID and holding Minhyuk’s elbow so they wouldn’t get separated in the bottleneck at the door. They moved their way through and found a small opening at the bar. Kihyun ordered a Coke for Minhyuk and a Moscow Mule for himself.

“What is that?” Hyungwon asked over the rim of his margarita glass, peering at the copper cup in Kihyun’s hand.

“It’s a Moscow Mule. Vodka and ginger beer and lime.” Kihyun was a big fan of refreshing drinks that simultaneously got him drunk. He’d never developed the taste for beer, so he went straight to liquor.

“Can I try it?” Kihyun offered him the cup and he took a sip. “Mm, that’s good. Hoseok, you should try this.”

“May I?” Hoseok had gone the simplest and ordered just a beer. Kihyun nodded, sure that his voice would crack if he tried to say anything. Hoseok wrapped his lips around the small straw and Kihyun felt his knees knock together. “Oh, that is good.”

“I should sell that cup now, three male models have drunk out of it,” Minhyuk joked, making as if to snag the cup from Kihyun.

“Well, two models that people might know and then me.” Kihyun took a long sip of his drink to clear his throat.

“Oh please, Kihyun. You work on some of the biggest campaigns with us,” Hyungwon said.

“I honestly was surprised you’re not walking in the CeCi show with us. I thought for sure they’d want someone like you in the show from what I’ve seen of the new collection,” Hoseok added.

Minhyuk shook his head. “Ki won’t ever take the compliment, trust me. He’s a bit stubborn about it.”

“Just like you are about your writing,” Kihyun shot back. “You never think it’s good enough.”

“Agree to disagree.” Minhyuk shrugged. “Anyway, Kihyun used his persuasion powers for good and got us tickets for the CeCi show.”

“Oh, you’re coming to watch?” Hoseok helped change the subject to Minhyuk’s interest in fashion, taking some of the heat off Kihyun for the moment. He finished his drink, relaxed a bit, leaned back against the bar. The whole place was lit by purple and blue string lights, giving everything a twilight tinged hue. Kihyun wondered idly if Minhyuk would object to him putting some lights like that up in their living room. Everything looked so much prettier under the lights.

Including his companions, one of whom he was still trying to avoid looking at directly even though he’d rejoined the conversation. It was easier to let his mouth move while he looked at the scenery.

“Hey, Ki, we should head home,” Minhyuk said, checking the time. “I have work tomorrow.”

“Shit, I didn’t realize it’d gotten so late.” Kihyun shrugged his jacket back on. Hoseok and Hyungwon followed them out of the bar into the chilly night air.

“Here, let me get your phone number,” Hyungwon said, holding his hand out for Kihyun’s phone. “We should do this more often, it’s rare that I meet someone I actually like at a modeling thing.”

“You wouldn’t believe how long it took to convince him I wasn’t an asshole,” Hoseok cracked. He took Kihyun’s phone next, filling in his own number. “I’ll look for you guys at the CeCi show.”

“Thanks. See you there.” Minhyuk was able to talk where Kihyun couldn’t, and helped him make his feet move towards the car. Kihyun hadn’t realized how cold and tired he was until he sank into the passenger seat, turning up the heat in the car.

“God, this shit is draining sometimes,” Kihyun muttered.

“I think you did really well for social interaction with people you don’t really know,” Minhyuk commented. “Let’s get you home so you can rest.”

“Did you have a good time, Min?”

“I had a great time. The show was good, and they were actually interested in my work. It was…refreshing I guess? Even academics get bored talking about our research, but two models were into the idea of it. Hyungwon even knew Derrida’s archive theory.”

“They did seem like some of the more intellectual ones.”

“I’m glad we went out with them. And I’m going to take the liberty of texting them so they have your number too, since I know you won’t.”

“Thanks for the love.”

“I do love you, which is why I don’t let you be antisocial.”

Minhyuk even put his arm around Kihyun’s waist to help him up the stairs to their apartment and turned the heat on so he would stop shivering. Maybe he was coming down with something and that was why he felt so cold. He brushed his teeth, washed his face, and curled himself up in bed. He could sleep as late as he liked the next day. No responsibilities, no shoots, no shows. Maybe he’d binge watch one of Minhyuk’s Netflix shows he was working on.

But the day after that, at the CeCi show, he’d have to be in Hoseok’s presence again. And that made him shiver.

\--

“Are you sure we aren’t overdoing this a bit?” Kihyun asked, checking his reflection in the mirror.

“We’re going to _the_ fashion show of the season, and you got us second row seats. I think we could show up on fire and still not be showing off.” Minhyuk appeared behind him, carefully fixing his hairdo. “I still think you could use a little more eyeliner.”

“I wear so much makeup when I’m working. Tonight, I’m just a spectator.”

“Fair enough. Now let’s take some Snaps, let everyone know where we’re going tonight.”

Kihyun straightened the leopard print silk shirt that Minhyuk had forced him into, making sure it lay smoothly over the striped turtleneck. He felt entirely too conspicuous in this outfit, but it was the CeCi show, and he would be fairly underdressed. Minhyuk was managing to make chambray overalls and a Glen plaid sweatshirt look decent; Kihyun slid himself behind his shoulder so Minhyuk would take up most of the frame. His roommate’s excitement was infectious, even if it was just another fashion show to Kihyun.

They took several pictures, posting a few and deciding to take more later at the afterparty Hoseok and Hyungwon had insisted on taking them to. Kihyun had been forcing himself to text them sporadically, but Minhyuk and Hyungwon had taken to each other like Kihyun couldn’t believe. Hyungwon had also studied literature at university so he could hold his own in conversations with Minhyuk. Which, unfortunately, left Kihyun and Hoseok to converse and that rarely ended with Kihyun saying anything intelligent or even coherent.

As he’d promised, Kihyun drove them to the venue and paid for the valet parking so they wouldn’t have to circle endlessly to find a place somewhere in a five-mile radius. He was surprised that some of the photographers outside the venue stopped him and asked him to pose, calling for him by name. He’d always been sort of a middle-tier model, called for some big campaigns but mostly working on smaller ones. Perhaps they recognized him from the new collection shoot that had just been released, or from the show he’d walked in earlier that week. However they’d found him, he was glad. He needed to get more exposure if he ever wanted to transition from model to photographer. Minhyuk, thankfully, had his camera hidden away safely in his overalls, keeping the line of Kihyun’s outfit neat and tidy.

They found their seats squashed between an older couple that reeked of money and a harried looking journalist. Neither really spared a glance at Minhyuk or Kihyun, instead staring intently at the empty runway as if something might happen if they looked away.

“There’s supposed to be a surprise musical guest,” Minhyuk muttered to Kihyun, checking his phone. “They’ve been teasing it all day.”

“I wonder who it’ll be.” Kihyun wasn’t really paying attention. He was more focused on getting shots of the crowd, trying to capture the mood in the air before the show started. Then he swiveled to his right and snapped a profile shot of Minhyuk.

“You always take such good pictures of me when I’m not looking, and then when I pose I look like a dick.”

“Candids capture the real person, I think.”

They made small talk while they waited for the show to start. Kihyun was honestly surprised he’d been able to get these seats, considering how many people were here and how sought after the show was. It probably helped that he’d scavenged them as soon as the show had been announced, using every industry contact he could to get a hold of them.

15 minutes after the show was supposed to start, the lights went down. A ripple of excitement passed through the crowd, so electric that even Kihyun felt himself shifting forward in his seat. Two blue spotlights swiveled to focus on the end of the runway, where two men were standing. They looked like they were wearing white and silver military uniforms, but that couldn’t be right. CeCi never did that kind of thing.

Then Kihyun noticed the microphones in their hands, and realized they were the surprise guests. He’d been expecting maybe a pop star, or a mainstream rock singer, but no. As the men walked down the runway, he recognized them as two underground rappers who’d been making waves online. The younger one, I.M, was spitting a blistering rap as he and Jooheon moved into position at the edges of the runway’s wider end.

And it was to the soundtrack of their raps that the models started to walk down the runway. Kihyun recognized all the models as the most famous in the industry; Hani came down the runway in a half pink and half black mini dress, striped athletic socks, and a pair of pumps, pausing at the end of the runway to pose with Jooheon before she strutted back.

Kihyun was honestly surprised that the two rappers were keeping the energy up as well as they were, for as long as they were. The show wasn’t even halfway over and they were still keeping the crowd hyped and performing at the same level. Kihyun made a note to take Minhyuk to the next show of theirs he could find.

Hoseok practically strolled down the runway, hands tucked into the pockets of his burgundy velvet suit pants. He didn’t have anything on under the blazer, and his feet were bare. Kihyun was certain he’d swallowed his tongue. Hoseok highfived Jooheon, blew a kiss into the crowd, and marched back.

Hyungwon looked like he was wearing a matching set of pajamas in a pale blue pinstripe, the wide cuffs covering his fingertips and their ribbon ties hanging low. Only Hyungwon could have made it look fashionable and even wearable. Kihyun had always envied his cool confidence and ability to pull pretty much anything off. He snapped a picture of the heavy boots he was wearing, lit by the blue spotlight.

Just before the final walk, Kihyun had to trade out memory cards to make sure he had enough space for more pictures. Because he’d been constantly snapping pictures, he caught the moment that Hoseok had spotted him in the crowd and threw a heart to him. He wouldn’t see it until later and it would make his stomach feel warm and hollow in equal measure.

As agreed, Kihyun and Minhyuk waited out in the parking lot for Hyungwon and Hoseok. The afterparty was downtown in an upscale club, where everyone who was anyone would be trying to get in. They only had a prayer of getting in with Hoseok and Hyungwon, who were actually on the list.

“Will you take a breath, Ki?” Minhyuk prodded his roommate in the ribs. “Relax, we’re going to have a good time.”

“Yeah.” Kihyun hid behind his camera lens, taking pictures of the parking lot in the dim orange light and the people sparkling under the streetlights. Hoseok walked right into his shot and he took the picture before he’d even realized who was there.

“You guys were amazing!” Minhyuk hugged them both, clearly more comfortable than Kihyun was.

“I’m sure I got some really good shots,” Kihyun said, holding his camera up.

“I didn’t know you were so into photography.” Hoseok shrugged his jacket on, his broad chest working as he moved. Kihyun wanted to pass out.

“I did.” Hyungwon looked smug. “You’ve always been up with the camera people when we do shoots together.”

“Modeling is kind of my stepping stone to photography,” Kihyun admitted.

“Well you look good in front of the camera, too. Don’t discount it.” Hoseok jingled his keys in his hand, which covered the sound of Kihyun’s audible gulp. “Shall we go? I hear a drink calling my name.”

“I drove us here.” Kihyun hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “We’ll meet you there?”

Hyungwon shook his head. “Parking is gonna be a nightmare and so will finding us. Just ride with us, we can get the car in the morning or something.”

Minhyuk glanced at Kihyun and shrugged. “Okay, let’s go then.” Hyungwon and Minhyuk took the back seat, leaving Kihyun to clamber into the passenger seat next to Hoseok. It was completely unfair for someone to look hot while they drove; Kihyun tried to look out the window as much as possible.

The valet at the club recognized Hoseok when he handed over his keys, which was another shock to Kihyun’s system. The biggest one was when photographers started calling out to Hyungwon and Hoseok, and they dragged Kihyun into the pictures with them. He was stiff and scared at first, but easily slipped into model mode. It was easy next to Hyungwon, who made it look as simple as breathing. Minhyuk was taking pictures on Kihyun’s camera for good measure.

Since Kihyun was no longer responsible for driving Minhyuk home, he didn’t think twice about accepting a shot from Hyungwon. It wasn’t until he’d taken it that he realized what a mistake that had been.

“Was that tequila?” He yelled over the music.

“Yup!” Hyungwon slid him another one.

“I can’t drink tequila!”

“Why not?” Hyungwon’s face turned devious. “Do you start dancing on tables?” The look on Kihyun’s face must have said it all, because suddenly he had a lime in his hand and he was doing more tequila shots than he thought was a good idea.

He didn’t dance on tables, necessarily. He did overheat and take off his turtleneck and unbutton an extra button on his silk shirt so his chest was more exposed. He was also breaking it down on the dance floor, rolling and writhing with the rest of the crowd. Hoseok and Minhyuk cheered him on as Hyungwon started grinding on him. If Kihyun had been sober, he would have worried. Instead, he just let the music take him and kept the rhythm.

The afterparty lasted until well after two in the morning, and then Minhyuk was drunkenly inviting the models back to their apartment to keep the party going. Hoseok and Hyungwon accepted and suddenly Kihyun was sober. They were going to be in his home, in his space. Terror locked his muscles. He had to be practically dragged out to the parking lot.

He didn’t have much to worry about, though. Hyungwon passed out in the recliner almost as soon as he sat down, and Hoseok asked for a cup of tea to go with the whiskey Minhyuk had poured for him.

“I’ll stay on the couch and tomorrow morning I’ll take you to get your car?” Kihyun didn’t realize Hoseok was talking to him at first.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Sounds good.” Kihyun rubbed his eyes. “Ugh, I need to take my contacts out and go to bed.”

“Yeah, it’s getting pretty late.” Hoseok drained his cup. “Let’s get drunky a blanket and then one for me.”

Minhyuk, blessedly, set them up with blankets and pillows, letting Kihyun escape to his room. He leaned on the door, trying to steady his breathing. It didn’t mean anything that Hoseok was there. It was perfectly fine.

He lay awake for a long time, staring at the door.

\--

Within a month, Kihyun’s life had changed dramatically.

Word seemed to have gotten out that he was willing to work with Hoseok and now he was being casted for photoshoots that he would have never been considered for before. They shot for an ad campaign for one of the biggest fashion houses with Hyungwon and another model that Kihyun only knew from pictures, Hyunwoo. Afterwards they went out to lunch with Hani and Jihyun at a tiny pizza joint, ordering pitcher after pitcher of beer. Hani and Hyunwoo had a chugging contest; Hani won, to everyone’s surprise.

Kihyun was spending more time with Hoseok than he’d ever thought he would, and it was starting to frighten him. Hoseok physically was all broad shoulders and rippling muscles and that _face_ , but emotionally, he was one of the most sensitive people Kihyun had ever met.

He told him once over coffee after a shoot that he’d cried for two days after he came out because of the reaction he’d gotten. He seemed to recognize when Kihyun was getting overwhelmed and let the conversation ease until he was steady again. He was sweet, and kind, and he’d given Kihyun a small bunny toy to remind him of him when they were apart.

So Kihyun was sitting in his apartment in the middle of the day, drinking out of a bottle of whiskey and crying. He’d fully intended to move to his bed before Minhyuk came home from school but he just lost track of time. His roommate came in and found him sitting on the couch in his boxers and weeping into hard liquor.

“Jesus Christ, Ki, are you okay?” Minhyuk asked, dropping his bag by the front door. “What happened?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Kihyun slurred, making to get up. He got tangled up in his legs and fell face first onto the carpet, knocking the wind out of himself and carpet-burning his cheek.

“Okay bud, I’ve got you.” Minhyuk hauled him up under his armpits and half-carried, half-dragged him into his room. Once he had safely deposited him on the bed, he came back with a glass of water and a damp cloth. He dabbed at Kihyun’s cheek and swollen eyes with the cloth while Kihyun struggled to get the water down. Then he snuggled up tight to his roommate, pulling the blankets over them. “Tell me what’s wrong, Ki. I’ve never seen you like this.”

“I can’t, I can’t,” Kihyun sobbed into his roommate’s shoulder. He felt like his entire body was going to crack apart under the force of his shaking.

“You’re scaring me, Kihyun. Please talk to me.” Kihyun’s phone buzzed out in the living room and Minhyuk brought it to the bedroom. “It’s Hoseok.” Something must have shown in Kihyun’s face, because Minhyuk looked at him, looked at the phone, and it was as if a lightbulb had gone off in his head. Kihyun hid his face in the pillow and wailed with shame.

Slowly, Minhyuk climbed back into the bed and wrapped himself around Kihyun’s back. Kihyun wasn’t sure what he was saying, just felt the rumble of his voice in his chest and the soothing hands on his head. At some point Kihyun checked out completely and came aware again when he realized he was moving. Minhyuk had him under the armpits again and was pulling him towards the bathroom. He turned the tub on and helped Kihyun strip down to his boxers, then put him in the hot water. The smell of lavender filled Kihyun’s noise; he must have put some essential oil in the water.

For a while he sat silently in the water, knees hugged to his chest. Minhyuk wiped his eyes and nose, petted his hair back gently. He felt a little better, if only slightly. His head felt like it was about to explode, and only part of that was from the crying.

“Kihyun,” Minhyuk said softly, getting his attention. He looked through swollen eyes and realized Minhyuk was crying, too. “Ki, why didn’t you tell me?”

Kihyun cleared his throat wetly. “Because if someone else knew, then it was real.”

“You mean no one else knows?”

Kihyun shook his head. “I couldn’t tell anyone else. It would have been real and I wouldn’t have been able to take it back.”

“All these years I’ve known you and you’ve been holding this back.” Minhyuk leaned over and turned the hot water on again to refill the tub. “Why are you so scared?”

“Because no one will treat me the same way again. I could end up dead because of this.” He hiccupped. “Look at what happened to…” He couldn’t bring himself to say his name.

“Hoseok will treat you the same, and so will Hyungwon. And me, and Jihyun, and Bora, and Hyolyn. You aren’t alone, Ki. We won’t let anything happen to you.” He let the matter drop and helped Kihyun wash his hair. Kihyun was able to dry himself off and find clean pajamas; by the time he was done, Minhyuk had come back with a blanket fresh from the dryer and a mug of tea. They curled up on the couch together, the TV on only for background noise. Kihyun fell asleep halfway through his mug of tea, leaving Minhyuk to pull the blanket tighter around his shoulders and watch over his roommate.

So much pain was written in Kihyun’s features. Minhyuk had never noticed it, had never wondered why Kihyun never had a girlfriend. He figured his friend was just shy or too single-minded to think about dating. But now he knew and now he needed to make it right.

\--

Kihyun couldn’t believe he’d let Minhyuk talk him into this, or that he’d let Minhyuk drop him off so he couldn’t run away. But he was there already, hand poised to knock on the door of Hoseok’s townhouse. It took incredible effort to make himself knock.

Hoseok’s hair was damp, like he’d just gotten out of the shower, and he was dressed comfortably in an oversized shirt and track pants. “Oh, hey Kihyun!” He took a closer look at Kihyun’s face. “Are you okay?”

“Um. No?” Kihyun shuffled his feet awkwardly. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course.” He led Kihyun to the couch. “Do you want something? Beer, tea?”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you.” Kihyun had already had two shots of vodka for liquid courage.

Hoseok sat next to him, clearly worried about him. “What’s up?”

“I, uh, I need to tell you something.” Kihyun cleared his throat, then did it again. “Um…I haven’t told anyone this, other than Minhyuk and he really just figured it out, he didn’t even have to ask me if he was right—”

“Ki, take a breath.”

“If I take a breath I won’t get this out. I—I’m…” Kihyun took a deep breath and just blurted it out, “I’m gay.”

For a moment, Hoseok just stared at him. “I want to say “that’s all?” but I can tell this was a big deal for you. You know that it would never change my perception of you.”

Kihyun scratched the back of his head nervously. “Thing is, I was kind of hoping it would.”

“What?” It was as if Kihyun could see the gears turning in Hoseok’s head. “Oh! Oh. I think I get it.” Then he leaned forward and took Kihyun’s hand, his large hand dwarfing Kihyun’s smaller one. For a moment, they both just looked at their clasped hands. It was weird to see his hand in someone else’s, to see it in a man’s especially. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah. Better than okay.” Kihyun sagged forward in relief.

“I’m going to kiss you now if that’s all right.” Kihyun held perfectly still, terrified into position. His first kiss was soft and gentle, and it was a man and it was _Hoseok_ and it was perfect.

\--

Bora had hummed knowingly twice in the past five minutes and Kihyun had had it.

“What are you humming about?” He asked, risking getting a foundation sponge to the eye.

“I’m going to have to color correct those hickeys on your neck.” Bora was smirking so hard Kihyun thought something might pop in her face. “Noticed that Wonho has a couple, too.”

“Keep that to yourself, okay Bora?” Kihyun was okay with her knowing now that a few weeks had gone by and he was feeling a little steadier.

“You don’t have to worry about that, Ki.” Bora’s expression softened. “Are you happy?”

“Happier than I thought I would be.”

“I’m glad, Ki.” She made quick work of the hickeys, the reddened skin disappearing under concealer, and then released him out to the photographers. Hoseok kept winking at him from across the hall, and Hyungwon had even roused himself enough to make googly eyes at him.

Kihyun was surprisingly okay with all of it, of the risk of people finding out about him. Hoseok had been so brave coming out the way he did, Kihyun could certainly let it filter out slowly. It didn’t hurt that he had the support of his best friend and his boyfriend.

After they’d cleaned up from the shoot, Kihyun climbed into Hoseok’s car and curled up. It was nice to have his boyfriend drive him around and not have to borrow Minhyuk’s car. Hoseok took them back to his townhouse, humming along softly with the radio. Kihyun leaned out the window at a stoplight to take a picture of the river; Hoseok yanked him back inside by his belt loops so he could keep going.

In the past few weeks they’d barely been able to keep their hands off each other; today was no different. They landed on the couch in a heap, Hoseok pinning him down with his weight and kissing him senseless.

“Hoseok,” Kihyun whined, wiggling under him. “Can’t we at least go upstairs?” He had expected Hoseok to let him up, not to sling him over his shoulder like a caveman and carry him upstairs. It shouldn’t have been so hot to be manhandled like that. He took the opportunity to grab Hoseok’s ass while he was dangling over his shoulder.

As soon as they got to the bed, Hoseok was on top of him again, kissing and licking into his mouth hungrily. With some effort, Kihyun pushed him over onto his back and straddled him.

“Fuck me,” he said, a little breathlessly. Hoseok’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

“Are you sure, Ki?” He asked, but Kihyun had felt him get harder underneath him.

“Yes, I’m sure.” For added effect, he ground his ass down into Hoseok’s lap, making him groan.

“Okay, okay. Lie down for me.” If it had been anyone else, Kihyun would have been embarrassed about his lack of experience. But with Hoseok he never got as embarrassed as he thought he would be. He let himself relax into the bed, knees spread apart for Hoseok, and kept his eyes focused on Hoseok’s face.

It was something magical to watch Hoseok react to him, to see the way he bit his lip when Kihyun moaned, the way his muscles tensed when Kihyun whined out his name. By the end of it, he was the one begging for Kihyun, asking to fuck him.

“You’re okay?” He asked when he was lined up, hesitating just on the edge.

“More than okay.” Kihyun leaned up and kissed him, nipping at his lip as he did. “Now fuck me.”

Those words seemed to evaporate the last shreds of Hoseok’s restraint and he sank deep into Kihyun in one smooth movement. He managed to hold still while Kihyun adjusted, hands fisted in the sheets to keep from holding his hips too tightly. When he was finally given the go-ahead, he slid out and thrusted back in hard, jostling the air out of Kihyun’s lungs.

“My soft Kihyun, so pretty,” Hoseok panted out over the obscene sounds of skin on skin. Kihyun could barely see straight, let alone respond. He just clung to Hoseok’s broad shoulders, nails digging in, and let the pleasure swamp his brain.

Everything lit up when he felt Hoseok stroking up his length, rubbing his thumb across his slit. He arched his back and Hoseok slammed right into his prostate. His vision whited out and he was dimly aware he had just screeched like a banshee, but the orgasm was making everything very fuzzy.

By the time he was fully aware again, Hoseok had pulled out and dropped to lie next to Kihyun. His chest heaved with exertion; Kihyun didn’t think he’d ever seen him look so beautiful.

“Good?” Hoseok asked when he noticed Kihyun was watching him.

“Perfect.”

\--

“Wonho, shift just a little to the right—perfect!” The photographer beamed before diving back down behind the camera.

When Kihyun came out to the world, it was much less of a bombshell than Hoseok’s. They’d been expecting that, counting on it even. Kihyun didn’t need or want that kind of attention on him.

What they hadn’t expected was that the photographers would be so interested in getting couple shots of them. Well, fashion shots of them as a couple, to be fair. So Kihyun was sitting between Hoseok’s spread knees, his back to Hoseok’s chest, trying to look bored for the camera. Both of them were wearing suit jackets with no shirt underneath, and ripped jeans. He was sure they looked hot. In another pose, Kihyun was half-tucked into Hoseok’s chest while Hoseok smoldered at the camera. The final shot of the day was of their clasped hands. Both of them were wearing rings on every finger, and because Kihyun’s hand was so much smaller, it seemed almost feminine except for the jewelry. He quietly asked the photographer to send a copy to him, he liked it so much.

As they walked out into the parking lot, Hoseok checked his phone and started laughing hysterically.

“What?” Kihyun asked, craning his neck to look at his screen. In the group chat was a photograph of Hani in the arms of an underground female rapper who was kissing the side of her neck.

 _Since we’re all showing off our significant others, here’s mine :)_ , Hani had typed.

“Double date?” Kihyun suggested. Hoseok giggled, pulling Kihyun up to his side.

“Sounds good to me, babe.”

 


End file.
